BIG DECISION

I am very good at putting on a charade that I am perfectly fine, happy and enjoying life.  In the evening of Wednesday 20^th February 2013 my charade came tumbling down around me as I sat in the middle of my bedroom floor in floods of tears. 

My tipping point was when I received, in one single week starting 18^th February, one piece of coursework due in on 1^st March, four pieces for 22^nd March and another expected in on 22^nd April. I desperately wanted all of this to be possible, but I knew deep in the pit of my stomach and in the recesses of my heart that this was not.

University had simply become too much; I was constantly tired from working hard, commuting and being optimistic, frustrated from being unable to keep up and the length of time it took me to complete work, I was therefore becoming increasingly further behind, scared I would not be able to meet the coursework deadlines and was continually stressed that I would fail my five module exams in June 2013, three of which I learnt about one and a half years ago. I also wanted the fun, happy student life that was not available to me. On top of which I was fed up of feeling like a failure, inadequate, utterly hopeless and plain exhausted.

I sobbed into my mother’s arms for hours, terrified my health was relapsing and having another break down. All I wanted was for everything to go away.  I didn’t want the dark, black clouds to close in and suffocate me once more, like they had done this time last year.

Until Friday 22^nd February, just the thought of returning to university was enough for me to burst into tears. That Friday morning I had to see my cranial osteopath and I spent all my effort trying not to cry on the train to and from the appointment. 

However that Friday afternoon, I was fortunate to have a private appointment with a CFS/ME Coach and Nutrionist, who had suffered with the illness for many years and through a healthy lifestyle, recovered.  We were on the phone for more than an hour chatting about my diet and current situation. By talking to this lovely lady I felt much calmer, relieved, not alone and in all, much more certain and happier about the decision that I had to make. To me, this kind lady is my guardian angel.  She has given me a new lease of energy and most importantly, refreshed my outlook and hope in life.

After speaking with various university personnel and exploring the few options offered, I made the decision once again, to interrupt my studies on Friday 22^nd and officially on Monday 25^th February.  Despite having no alternative, this was still a very difficult decision for me to make.

I have been told that if I want to recover I must remove the stress hormones flowing through my body, by cutting out everything that causes me emotional and physical stress. Stopping university is therefore a very good start.

Part of physical stress is caused by diet and I have therefore further modified mine, in order to start growing very healthy cells. It takes one whole year to re-build your brain cells, eight weeks for your liver, one month for skin and five days for your guts. I will start feeling better soon, but it will be at least one whole year until I finally feel ‘full of beans’. I am very much looking forward to this moment, as I have forgotten what it feels like to be full energy.

Another crucial part to my recovery is happiness, so the question I now ask myself is: 

WHAT WILL MAKE ME HAPPY?

With all this in mind, I have decided to slightly modify the content of my blog. The essence of ‘Lilly Wild’s Weekly Whimsy’ will continue to be about my journey to recovery and will feature my ‘weekly whimsy’, because I look forward to planning and embarking on my weekly mini-adventure! However it will also include; posts about my diet and how it effects my body and mind, how I push my boundaries and what it does to me, how I will answer my question about happiness and a lot MORE!!!! 

Ultimately I want my blog to help other students who find themselves in a similar position to me. I do not want another student to feel that they are climbing the Sossusvlei sand dunes in Namibia alone.  I have tried both and they are equally difficult, but climbing the dunes in a group was a lot of fun and not lonely at all.

1911 - 2011 South Pole Centenary Expedition, Monday Night Lecture, RGS-IBG

Every Monday evening the Royal Geographical Society (with the Institute of British Geographers) (RGS-IBG) invites inspirational speakers to lecture their members on subjects that simply blow your mind away. As they whisk you up on their adventure through exotic countries or exploring geographical questions, they exude a kind of passion that makes the back of your neck tingle with excitement and awe, as another world folds out in front of you. They illuminate colours in the world that you have not noticed until now and as you listen, you realise there is so much more out there, just waiting patiently for you to embark on your on expedition to discover them.  In the Ondaajte Theatre you are always transformed into a more informed, enlightened person and often with a new aspiration.

As a member I try to attend as many Monday night lectures as possible, but I ensure I never miss one discussing polar adventures full of bravery, hardships and determination. 

My dream of visiting the Antarctic to help further scientific knowledge was first ignited when I heard Paul Rose (pictured above), Vice President of the RGS and polar expert, speak about his time as the Base Commander of Rothera Research Station, Antarctica for the British Antarctic Survey.  Paul Rose is the most inspirational, passionate and captivating person I have ever met and he always has his audience entranced with his stories.

On Monday 18th 2013 my ambition to work in Antarctica was strengthened by Jan-Gunnar Winther, director of the Norwegian Polar Institute, who discussed his adventure of retracing Roald Amundsen in the South Pole 1911-2011 Centenary Expedition to the South Pole (http://sorpolen2011.npolar.no/en/). 

Roald Amunsden (pictured below) was a highly successful Norwegian polar explorer and the first person to capture the South Pole on December 14^th 1911, beating Robert Scott Falcon and the Terra Nova Expedition by one month.

Amunsden had dreamed of venturing to the South Pole for 10 years and during this time, he never allowed anyone to steal this away from him.

Originally the FRAM’s third voyage was to the Arctic to explore the North Polar basin, but Amundsen had a much grander plan, he wanted to be the first to the South Pole. Amundsen kept his intention top-secret, only confiding in his brother and the ship’s commander, even the King of Norway was kept in the dark!  In 1909 he started making arrangements for the FRAM to head South and it was not until she had set sailed from England in 1911 that the crew were informed they were taking a small detour to the Antarctic!

The Fram, Antarctica

This expedition took Amundsen a lot of guts to carry out, because he placed a huge amount of pressure upon himself having deceived the King of Norway, fooled his peers and was also in a significant amount of debt.  Amundsen did not just need to succeed in reaching the Pole first, but he had to pull off a spectacular triumph.

Antarctica is a very dangerous place with its unforgiving landscape, extreme environment, cascades of ice and riddles of crevasses.  All of which, make it challenging and frequently nigh on impossible to navigate through the labyrinth of snow and ice.

Amundsen ventured into the unknown from the Bay of Whales using his own calculations to navigate through the white wilderness. Whereas the Centenary Expedition used remote sensing to create their map and find the safest route that closely followed the footsteps of Amundsen. How times have changed!

As a precaution, Amundsen had ice caves built along their trail, so if the group or an individual became lost and found one of these caves, they would know which direction to head in.  This was very sensible, but Amundsen did have other quite absurd ideas! Juan-Gunnar gave us an example. Amundsen thought it was important for the group to reach the pole and return home in clean underwear.  At the last ice cave before the pole, he therefore ordered everyone to change their dirty underwear for a clean pair and then had someone place the dirty underwear on a pole on top of the ice cave. Amundsen believed that when they returned from the pole to the cave, the Antarctic wind would have blown their underwear clean!

Unlike Amundsen, who used huskie dogs (initially he started with 52 and returned with 11!) to pull his sledges filled with the essentials, the Centenary Expedition skied across the Antarctic and pulled their sledges.  They did have one secret weapon up their sleeves and that was kites, they had planned to speed across the snow and ice using kites but unfortunately, the wind rarely blew in the right direction! This begs the question; are some traditional methods still superior over modern innovations?

Team Kite Surfing (http://sorpolen2011.npolar.no/en/)

Jan-Gunnar Winther had a very good sense of humour and stressed the importance of keeping in good spirits during a journey through Antarctica, as it’s easy to become demoralised in such a place and lose momentum. This is because you are isolated from civilisation and social interaction, therefore only have your thoughts to occupy oneself for long periods of time and with experiencing very harsh conditions on a daily basis,  this all takes its toll on your mind and body.

The Centenary Expedition found skiing across the Ross Ice Sea Shelf especially difficult.  The sea shelf moves continuously up and down with the sea; a baron white landscape stretching out over an area so large, it is hard for us mere mortals to understand.  The pure whiteness of the landscape is only broken by the striking blue horizon of the sky, however on many days the group faced gale force winds that whipped up the snow, allowing them to only see a few feet in front of them. Not even a penguin dares go this far!

Each evening the Centenary Expedition updated their blog, please read their entries here to learn more about their journey through Antarctica, it really is extraordinary (http://sorpolen2011.npolar.no/en/diary/). I am very envious!

The team finished their expedition in a magnificent ‘movie moment’, reaching the Pole just 17 minutes before midnight on 14^th December 2011, exactly 100 years later after Amundsen.

Team at the Geographical South Pole (http://sorpolen2011.npolar.no/en/)

When Juan-Guannar finished his lecture I felt invigorated and more dedicated to my cause of visiting Antarctica to carry out scientific research and trek across its unimaginable landscape.

I view having CFS/M.E. as a minor detour in my aim of reaching Antarctica and believe that the life skills I will develop and learn through having this condition will place me in good stead for when I finally begin my adventure.

Amundsen was extremely dedicated to his dream and through his gritty determination and boldness he succeed in fulfilling this dream. I look up to Amundsen and am inspired by his journey, and like him, I shall not let anyone steal my dream away from me.

Chocolate Chicken Casserole Recipe

I am very excited about this being my first post and I hope it does not disappoint!

Every Tuesday one of my closest friends comes around in the evening and I cook her dinner. I always look forward to our date as I simply love cooking and every time she is very complimentary of the meal I place in front of her, which makes me enjoy cooking for her even more!! I must admit...a guilty pleasure of mine is receiving compliments about my cooking and I am really quite addicted to receiving them! 

Another guilty addiction of mine is dark chocolate, between 70-100% cocoa. I love it. Currently I am on a strict diet and cannot eat dairy, grains or sugar, so cooking a chocolate pudding is a near impossible task (although a challenge i will take up soon!). A family friend of mine gave me the idea of cooking a savoury dish with chocolate and, as I am also unable to eat red meat, I googled a recipe for chocolate chicken. Now this may sound like a very strange combination, but trust me, It works!

The recipe below is my very own simple chocolate chicken recipe and I believe you could have some of your own fun with it! (The next time I cook it, I am thinking of adding beetroot and Jerusalem artichokes.) Initially my friend sent me a worrying glance, but she fell in love with this meal at the first bite! I hope you enjoy it too. 

Serves 4: (with some left over!)

Ingredients:

4 x Chicken thighs/legs

Chicken stock or water

Coconut oil

1 1/2 oz x 100% cocoa (can get it from Waitrose)

1 x Bunch of Spring onions

3 x small turnips

3 x carrots
1 x medium parsnip
1/2 x butternut squash
Spinach
1 x avocado
1 x lime
Small bunch fresh parsley
1/2 inch finely chopped fresh ginger

1 bouquet garnet

1 star anise
3 cardamon pods
2 cinnamon sticks
2 smoked chipotle chillies (remove the seeds)
1 tsp black peppercorns
1 tsp dried mixed herbs


Instructions:
1. Brown the chicken in a suitable amount of coconut oil in a large casserole dish.

2. Once browned remove the chicken out of the pan.

3. In the juices of the chicken and oil add the green ends of the spring onion, star anise, cardamon pods, ginger, cinnamon sticks, peppercorns and chipotle chillies.

4. Once the onion has browned add all of the vegetables until browned, then add your chicken, chicken stock or water until the ingredients are covered.

5. Add your bouquet garnet, dried herbs and parsley (tied together with cooking string).

6. While that simmers, melt your chocolate bain marie style and then add to rest of ingredients and stir in well.

7. Slow cook in the simmering oven of the Aga for several hours (I did this in the morning and left it until 8 in the evening). For those who do not have an Aga, the simmering oven is kept at a constant 110ºC.

8. I served this dish with sliced avocado, wedges of lime and steamed spinach. (My father enjoyed his meal with a thick slice of fresh crusty bread too!)